GIRL SKSKSKSKSK I'M SO HAPPY TO TELL Y'ALL I GRADUATED, I GOT MY BIG GIRL JOB AT A BIG SHOT COMPANY I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET IN, I'M STILL THE SAME INDECISIVE ME YET SUDDENLY I'M A 25 YEARS OLD ADULT (YOU READ THAT RIGHT!!!) THIS BLOG BEEN WITH ME FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS, YOU DA MVP.

WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC BUT I'M IN A HAPPY 6 YEARS OF A STABLE RELATIONSHIP, EVEN THOUGH MY DAD GOT A STROKE BUT WE'RE TOGETHER EVERYDAY NOW. LOST 2 FAMILY MEMBERS BUT IT'S ALL GOD'S PLAN.

I'M CURRENTLY PROCRASTINATING INSTEAD OF WORKING.

WILL UPDATE YOU MORE!!!!

FYI TURNS OUT WE DON'T NEED TO BE COOL AND LOOK COOL AND LOOK SMART. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE I'LL JUST WRITE WHAT I WANT

I just realized it is always one year gap, and it is always February. What is it with you, February? Are you the month when I finally realized, all the hope I have in January, beginning of the year, is just a mere illusion?

Well, I managed to get out of my comfort zone. Did an exchange to Kyoto, Japan. Best moment of my life. I can say I have finally found myself. I found amazing friends. Amazing places. But the first find is the most important one. I am longing to go back there. Now I am working on my thesis, which is not much of a progress, and will start an internship at a FMCG company next week. Sounds like I am having it together, huh?

As you know, yeah I am a sucker for overthinking, not exactly. But I don't think this time is because of my habit. This is not about academic career or industrial career. Being in Japan liberated me. It was truly a breath of fresh air, the air I feel like home the most. I just read my post that I don't want to be seen as unsuccessful to myself but it is alright for others to see me as that. I am very idealistic back then, well I still am, just not doing an act on it. I know, I know. What's wrong with security and stability? Well, what is wrong is I see myself beyond this. I am always a wanderer, if not an adventurer. I always knew that even though I hardly have the chance to wander. I cried seeing Bekah Martinez's life in LA. That could have been me. So much to explore. So little barrier to prevent me. I don't want to follow this. I don't want to graduate, get a job, get married, and have kids. Then grandkids. Maybe grandgrandkids then die. I want my life to be a journey.

I always wonder what if I was born at a different place. Different race. I always want to be born as a white girl living in the US. There is this air around being 'basic white bitch' but I wanna explore that. I don't even make sense right now but yeah. I am about to graduate and need to find my path. I always know my path.. I want to be a writer and explore the world. Having money is good. But I learned after getting large amount from my scholarship, spending it does not give that much of a joy. I want to be myself. I want an adventure.

My strong adaptability suit could be my biggest weakness. A simple thing is the way I dress. Different in Japan and in here. I don't know now, what kind of clothes do I wear? A simple question yet I don't know.

Finally I remembered this blog and decides to write. Now I know why I don't write that much. It is because I tend to overthink and with writing about my feelings I will explore my emotions and may overthink about things I actually don't need to worry. But I'll give it a shot though.

Life is good. What can I say? First and foremost, I am still alive and breathing. I have my loving family and friends. I have a nice and fun boyfriend. Yes I know in the past he was the source of my emotional thoughts but nowadays I learn to just let it go. It sure gets better. My academic life is good, better than I expected. I still maintain high GPA in the last semester's hell. I was a research intern at Demographic Institute. That could go way better but I was too damn lazy and I don't give my A game but yeah what can I do now. Still unsure about where I want to work in the future but that is okay. The best part is: I am finally going on an exchange, and to Japan! (yay)

This is what I want throughout my life.. Living international. Sure I have doubts, like what if something really bad happens when I am in Japan, whether I can maintain long distance relationship and make sure my boyfriend is doing good.. Well, I do said that I tend to overthink. And screw that. I will just go to Japan. Hopefully everything is okay, I haven't got my COE. Will get it early March and it is just so close to the day I will go. If I don't get it I can't go to Japan or study at school so I will just take a break. This is such a leap of faith.

I learned so much past year. Especially by being in a relationship. I learn not to expect much, and it is not a bad thing. I am not lowering my standards. It is to appreciate little things and not to put pressure on both the people and my relationship with the people. I also learned to control my emotions and not being annoying.. I try to be more considerate and compromise. Then I learned to just let everything happens the way it should. No rush or pressure. I am fully aware that the string is loose, and it can go to different directions. I am okay with it. Not everything has to be perfect. Life is a journey and I must accept what happens instead of regretting what is not going to happen. Right? I am such a shaman right now.

Well, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully... Everything will be okay. And if it is not, I will be okay with it.