I just realized it is always one year gap, and it is always February. What is it with you, February? Are you the month when I finally realized, all the hope I have in January, beginning of the year, is just a mere illusion?

Well, I managed to get out of my comfort zone. Did an exchange to Kyoto, Japan. Best moment of my life. I can say I have finally found myself. I found amazing friends. Amazing places. But the first find is the most important one. I am longing to go back there. Now I am working on my thesis, which is not much of a progress, and will start an internship at a FMCG company next week. Sounds like I am having it together, huh?

As you know, yeah I am a sucker for overthinking, not exactly. But I don't think this time is because of my habit. This is not about academic career or industrial career. Being in Japan liberated me. It was truly a breath of fresh air, the air I feel like home the most. I just read my post that I don't want to be seen as unsuccessful to myself but it is alright for others to see me as that. I am very idealistic back then, well I still am, just not doing an act on it. I know, I know. What's wrong with security and stability? Well, what is wrong is I see myself beyond this. I am always a wanderer, if not an adventurer. I always knew that even though I hardly have the chance to wander. I cried seeing Bekah Martinez's life in LA. That could have been me. So much to explore. So little barrier to prevent me. I don't want to follow this. I don't want to graduate, get a job, get married, and have kids. Then grandkids. Maybe grandgrandkids then die. I want my life to be a journey.

I always wonder what if I was born at a different place. Different race. I always want to be born as a white girl living in the US. There is this air around being 'basic white bitch' but I wanna explore that. I don't even make sense right now but yeah. I am about to graduate and need to find my path. I always know my path.. I want to be a writer and explore the world. Having money is good. But I learned after getting large amount from my scholarship, spending it does not give that much of a joy. I want to be myself. I want an adventure.

My strong adaptability suit could be my biggest weakness. A simple thing is the way I dress. Different in Japan and in here. I don't know now, what kind of clothes do I wear? A simple question yet I don't know.